Approaching imminent heart failure..

If anything is likely to instigate a heart attack other than furred up arteries, a really shit diet and a lack of exercise then I think I may have found out what it is…

This morning I discovered I had washed and tumble dried my rather expensive fitbit… by some miracle it still appears to work but is currently living inside a rice filled bag until I am sure my wrist won’t suddenly burst into flames due to a belated malfunction.

I then broke an egg (a rescue chicken’s egg, don’t shoot me Vegan brothers and sisters) into a pan where I managed to completely lose the yolk. Finally scooped it back and made an effort to reunite the two parts by patting them back together again.

Then, bit into a tomato which literally exploded all over me. By this point, I was contemplating that life was a bit of an arse really.

On top of this I realised that no childcare was forthcoming for next week. After 2 hours of phoning, messaging and trying to stop palpitations, it’s been sorted. Mr P will lose three days of pay to look after them. Yay.

And just now I have just had my first ever row with my friend Miss S, who has dementia, about whether or not she had power to her fridge. Her visiting friend who brought a ridiculous amount of food with her from London to stock Miss S’s fridge, has just been told she can take it all back. So out of pity, I am about to collect the friend and take her to the station. Despite needing to get stuff done.

And all I really wanted to do was prepare my house for a birthday bash we are having tomorrow and then go and look at dresses in town that I can’t fit in to (because despite being a Nearly Vegan, I haven’t lost any fecking weight because I am still an alcoholic). Instead I shall have to drag around a stroppy 9 year old who will moan at my clothes shopping while nagging for a new fidget spinner/Ronaldo doll or something equally as shite.

At least I am going out for me bezzie mate for dinner tonight AND I have a new hairdo.. (gone for surfer look, yes I know I don’t own a surf board and yes I do remember I am scared of actual waves that are higher than 30cm but it’s the vacuous nature of life that counts innit? 🙂 )





Hah! In your face Year 1!

Today I submitted my last essay of my first year in nursing. This makes for a happy Chloe. A relieved Chloe. A ‘Hah in your FACE‘ Chloe. I finally feel that I can sit back and relax for a few weeks before we go straight back in full throttle to, apparently, the worst year during the degree. What is great about writing this blog is that one can experience amnesia about the academic hypothesising that one must partake in whilst examining psychosocial aspects of nursingOh to write a Mills and Boon… the fancy pants of that! All flowery and such like. Anyway, luckily I have had a Bramble to keep me company.. She is such a darling.


Still, before I can really chill, I still have just under a month of placement to go with a good 2 weeks of not having a fucking clue about where I am going to stick the kids because it will be the school holidays.

I must admit I feel a little bit over this whole fucking ‘being an adult’ shite. In the mornings as I am feeling practically homicidal because Mr P has to be woken up the same amount of times as our stroppy teenager, I battle with the demons… I could, I think, just walk out… (just keep walking.. just keep walking.. (think Dora)). As the Middle One, systematically runs through all of the shitty irritating things he can do his siblings and the Little One decides he is going to emulate his brother and also be a prat.. as I realise that the kitten shit in the litter tray is only ever going to be emptied by me and that despite it already getting on the late side of ok, I will still find time to put on another wash, hang the wet one out, tidy the sofa, draw the curtains, redo the sofa, make the bed, yell at a child, do the sofa again and finally load the dishwasher.

Amazing what you can do when you put your moany mind to it, isn’t it?

On to other news, after being ripped into by a good mate about me veganism failingism, she brought me around a potted rose. Very pretty and very sweet I thought. Well.. after Saturday evening drinks with a group of lovely girlfriends, I am now awaiting a delivery worth of a fecking truckload of potted plants.. the amount of laughter at my expense means I can probably now completely redesign my garden.. so watch this space. In the meantime, here is a picture of me chooks…

And here are some of the LOVELY dishes I have made and eaten and (listen up plant buyers) enjoyed… Roasted tomato soup… Mmmmm and falafel, spinach and mushroom wrap…


Now, where shall I put all these new plants????

Hmm.. less vegan more vegetarian…

So… after being ripped into AGAIN by a friend (you know who you are!) about my propensity to eat er… non-vegan foods…….. (I was HUNGRY and it was Monster Munch crisps.. and then I was HUNGRY again and so I had a piece of toast… and I won’t let my chickens eggs go to waste and can’t we just pretend honey is grown?.. bees are very small after all.. and no I don’t know if the red wine was vegan.. and yes I do know that I said I was going to try not to drink….. but Rome n’ all that.. And anyway, life is very stressy and I have lots of assignments and children…. and now students are staying.. and… and… life has taken a particularly demented turn.. literally)… I am now rephrasing this trial to erm… Trying to Eat a Mainly Plant Based Diet.


BUT, on the flip side (always gotta be a flip side)… this is what I have found surprisingly easy…

Peanut butter makes the world go round. Either on apple, with carrot or on a ryvita. It works.

Black tea and coffee is something I am slowly getting used to.

I do love the feel good saintly factor of eating a plant based meal (and I have done this at every lunch and dinner sitting I will have you know) and knowing that for that moment, I AM holier than thou. I like the fact that I am not eating an animal that has experienced suffering. I am happy that I poo like the more normal person. I like that my belly is slowly deflating (slowly being the operative word) and that my digestive system, whilst initially up in arms (up in intestines??) about this whole bean overload, is probably doing a celebratory jig as nutrients can finally start making their way through my previously clogged full of crap intestinal membranes.

I don’t like my irritability, but to be fair, to get rid of that might take a whole lot more than just adjusting my diet!!

And anyway, its the 22nd soon isn’t it??