One day at a time.

So I have been working at CGL for over two and a half months and have just managed to get the Alcohol Detox Nurse post.

My past history of rehab is known and my current status is also known (I moderate my intake) and yet I am not judged or vilified in any way. I work hard and I work well. I engage and empathise with my clients and I’m able to give honest, heart felt and knowledgeable advice. And I learn from them every day. Every day is a reminder of where I went. Where I came back from and most importantly, where I do not want to return to. They help me too.

It’s tough and I cry as I drive home. I recognise their angst, their self-made prisons and their utter desperation. Not caused just by alcohol – that’s just the crutch that once worked and now just squeezes every hydrated drop of hope out of you – but by their hopelessness and inability to perceive a way out. I recognise that some won’t make it. Some will die. Some do die.

I was never dependent physically and for that I am truly grateful.

I have never worked in a place where acceptance is so genuine. Where I feel so at home. Whether colleagues are in recovery or not, I can’t spot an iota of judgement anywhere for anyone.. and if it exists it’s bloody hidden well 😂

Life is busier than ever, new job, new relationship, horrid commute twice a day and still the demons chatter away like little monkeys, excitedly discussing how to bring the host down. Physically I’m struggling with nerve pain at both ends of my somewhat degenerating spine and yet I’m probably the happiest I have been in years. Nothing is particularly easy.. each facet of my life forces me to reevaluate on every level. I’m still pretty inept at relationships, my house is still chaotic but slowly, slowly I’m working on all of these things. My poor undiagnosed ADHD addled little brain is still making lists to tackle the chaos that exists..

So ‘one day at a time’ is as applicable as ever.