3 weeks ago I was told to ‘snap out of it’. I was riddled with anxiety. Not enough to completely incapacitate me but enough that I felt nauseous, tearful and completely overwhelmed. Simple decisions were quite simply.. not simple. I had no direct cause to feel like this. Nothing was particularly stressing me out and there had been no major changes but I felt that all too familiar feeling of fear, worry and the sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach.
At first I think I actually laughed. ”Sorry, what?… you do know that saying ‘snap out of it’ is akin to ‘get a grip” and is the one thing that us ‘anxietees and depressees’ fear the most.. well, get the most angry about.. I felt incredulous that this person who supposedly loved me and ‘understood’ had actually let these words fall from his mouth. I turned to him with a wry smile, ”and how exactly shall I do that? Do you not think that the person who has experienced anxiety for the majority of her life, has not already been trying desperately to ‘snap out of it’?” For the love of.. I don’t know.. teeny tiny kittens… for those that know.. they will appreciate that there a lot of us who have methods, tools and little magicky spells that we utter when we start to feel like this.. cut down caffeine, cut out booze, journal, do some yoga, write down lists, do some meditation, roll around in sage smoke until every little anxiety ridden pore has been suffocated and we start to look like a fucking incense stick… go for walks, sit on the beach, do more yoga, drink reishi tea, do more yoga, talk to a friend, breathe.. breathe.. breathe..
Needless to say said boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. Not as a direct result of the snapping remark but I can’t say it helped. My mood has plummeted further and I am really trying to pull out the stops.. I really am trying to snap out of it.
Just now, for example, I have tried to do some beauty shit that needed doing and as I am forever skint, I do all my own.. waxing, gel nails, eyebrow dying.. saves money but not always quite so effective. And certainly not when I am feeling like this.. but I thought I ought to do it.. make an effort, stop the self pity etc etc. I can only say for anyone else attempting doing their own beauty care, maybe wait until you feel a bit better.. because right now I have one larger darker eyebrow than the other, a very patchy waxed top lip and I am not entirely sure I actually got any nail polish on the nails.. more kind of.. smeared around the nail. And at one point I was pulling wax out of the hair on my head when I was supposedly waxing my bikini line… they aren’t the same length so there really shouldn’t have been any confusion.
I think my point is.. to anyone reading this who has never had anxiety. Don’t ever tell someone to snap out of anxiety or depression. It just makes us feel very, very shit. And slightly homicidal.
justbeinghere 